When the petty is not so petty

There are small issues and then there are the big issues in life. What makes something worth worrying? Probably it all boils down to priorities isn't it? But how do we set priorities? Its not so simple as it seems. For most people who get hassled way too often, 'You got to get your priorities right' is the most heard phrase. 

Lets have a look at the following generalized scenarios (these are purely fictional characters and have no intention of hurting anyone's sentiments)

Scenario 1

College going students' concerns are mostly academics, girlfriends or boyfriends and then there could be fashion and ultimately career. Are they even interested to know whether the house maid came to clean or not? Whether the electricity bill is paid back home, in case they live with their parents. They have their priorities quite clear. C'mon who cares about whether the room is even clean! Give it a break dude! For them the real problem is when the best friend gets hooked with his crush. That is a problem.

Scenario 2

A homemaker's only concern is food, clearly the topmost priority, apart from her kitty parties and socializing. Food for the husband, food for the children, food for the dog, then the cleaning maids, the clothes, so on and so forth. How does a homemaker even care if Infosys's CEO resigns, or suddenly the most sought after job these days is of a consultant. Really? If the cleaning lady doesn't come, well, hell definitely breaks loose.

Scenario 3

For a typical corporate guy, the priority is basically promotion, increase in salary, perks, competition basically. Mostly stressed about work. Ask him how much are potatoes for these days? He'll probably start calling you a potato in return, forever. And we mean forever. And then probably quote a price, do an analysis on it, with a competitive strategy in place and end up with a business plan. How much are potatoes for actually? Are you crazy? If a colleague gets promoted instead of him after working for 2 years on a project, just because she's the boss's favorite, now that is a bigger question for him.

It's very easy to be judgmental, for the corporate guy to tell the homemaker she's a potato just because she knows how much that costs. Or for the homemaker to be cold to the feelings of the college going student because her maid didn't come or vice versa. Whatever the scenario maybe, if each one tries just a little bit to step out of their own shoes and think, what's petty for them may not be so petty for someone else. A small change in the mindset after all, might make the world a better place to live.

One way traffic.

How often does it happen when someone calls you for some advice and you land up struggling to complete one single sentence? Only one single sentence my dear friends, to at least do justice to deliver whatever wisdom that the person thought you might have.

And what happens after all the rattling and a banter of words, of the sob story and human dynamics, the helplessness of your friend, the only words you can manage are, 'Yes, that's sad, but..' and she takes over, continues for fifteen minutes, and again you give another shot. 'You shouldn't lose hope and...', and there goes another ten more minutes of the remnants of the story. 'I think let's meet and...' and then the story slowly comes to an end. The entire conversation probably would last for 30 minutes or sometimes even 40 minutes. Not even one complete sentence from my side (just to remind you).

Without having said anything at all, the friend seems to be pleased and motivated too. And here I'm left pondering and wondering what exactly did I say? 

Only one way traffic works for some, probably.

Does Anyone Talk

A couple of decades ago, of what I remember, the most cherished moments were families, friends, and cousins getting together on holidays and the entire house would be full of sound of people, warm voices. There would be aunt gossip sessions in one room, teenage cousins giggling away to glory somewhere else and the boisterous kids running all around the house making a mess of everything. Not to forget there was delicious food flowing as if there was nothing else to do. Just eat, talk, play, run around and again the cycle repeats. The usual hush-hush of teens trying to hide something from adults. Everything was pure and light hearted.

So much for the flash back. Now, who talks? Who really has the time to talk? Thanks to the internet, mobile phones, and above all, simple messaging. Everyone seems to be so addicted to the very art of punching in some alphabets on the phone, and clicking that 'send' button, whether the spellings or the language is correct or not, lets not even get into that. No emotions, no connect. Something needs to be conveyed and with just a click of a few buttons apparently everything seems to be said and done. 

Assumption is what most of us live with these days, for instance, if someone sends me a message 'wud u like 2 meet 2day'. My first reaction 'What?? No way!'. But, messaging gives you time to think, you can be fake, you can write what you don't want to. And you can 'pretend'. Now, how genuine the other person is when that message is written is also questionable. Nevertheless, the reply to this absurd message from my side would be 'Sorry, I'm busy' or in a scenario where the language is so pathetic I would probably land up blocking the person to never be able to message me again. Who wants to go through this entire episode once again! Other scenarios are where, like I read somewhere how people break off and even get divorced just over a simple message!

The days when conversations were easy, they were natural, straight from the heart, no pretending, just being the way one is, has been far left behind to the formalities and coldness of messaging and typed words. Somewhere, people are forgetting to be true to themselves and thereby to others. Relationships falling apart, shallow friendships, the human race is simply losing the human touch. As Bruce Springsteen put it in the beautiful song, all we need today is just  'A little bit of that human touch'.

A smelly affair

Imagine, you're all set to begin that workout you have been planning since eons. It took you more than many months to motivate yourself and actually go and enroll yourself in a fancy gym, only for the simple reason that the amount you've spent will 'make' you reach there everyday without fail.

Finally, after all the gym shopping with track pants, t-shirts, shoes, socks and whatever 'other' gears are required you reach there feeling good as if you have accomplished something major in life. As if you're already a winner just by reaching there and being there. Surrounded by many absolutely fit 'old-timers', and a few amateurs,  all of them look oh-so-fit. All it takes is a short glance in the mirror where everything is right on your face, their body, your butt, their body, your hanging tummy, their body and your arms, their body and... and then you stop looking and tell yourself, you're going to get there.

Pulling yourself up, you start the workout, you're a bit slow and after a while, you're all warmed up and all you want is 'get that babe's figure', you feel you're on the right track. Suddenly, the babe just passes by your treadmill and that sick, sweaty, stinky, smell makes you want to run. No, not on the treadmill but to run out of that freakin' place. You 'only' wish you could run more on the treadmill. Fantastic bodies, super sexy outfits BUT that smell. Ouch! Can't these fancy people in the fancy gym afford a simple deodorant. Why harass the rest of the people and how the hell can they be so confident about their smell? Swooshing around the whole place as if they were wearing some heavenly perfume. The 'gym' becomes a painful austerity, you cannot run anymore on the treadmill even if you want to. You stop the treadmill and head out for the bench press. But, no, the babe is all over the place, in fact another one joins her for a hearty laughter and a check-me-out in the mirror. And all that you can do is want to quickly finish off your instructors laid out routine,  you cannot bear the thought of coming to this place everyday and getting to smell things which you would never want to. 

Everything starts to go back to square one in your head, about whether you made the right choice or not?  'Only if' someone would gift these innocent smelly people a deodorant please!

Eccentricity and some such

There are people who like to 'rub each others' back' and then there are people who don't. The former are appreciated, applauded, liked and even encouraged to carry on doing so. The latter are strugglers, courageous, fearless and mostly stand alone. 

One can decipher the true characteristics of a person in the first ten minutes of the conversation one has with anyone. Unfortunately the former, "I'll rub your back as long as you rub mine too" are considered to be normal people, at least in most work scenarios or maybe even in large families scenarios where one daughter in law struggles while the other one is the mother in law's favourite.

Its the latter that are truly commendable, whom we may also suggest have true leadership qualities and also turn out to be great art personalities too. They 'believe' in themselves. They don't think that pleasing your superior or another person is the way to climb any ladder or to even move on in life. They are compassionate, yet they do not succumb to nonsense. If they know that something is not fair or is incorrect, no matter how much someone tries to 'butter them up' they stand like a rock. They are simply different people. They do stand out in a crowd, and these people are mostly good friends, people whom you can trust. Most importantly they 'believe' in themselves.

What happens when the eccentric meets the normal? A 'conflict'. Conflict of personalities, conflict of interests, conflict of everything. Its pathetic to see the normal shun out the eccentric. Its even more pathetic sometimes when the eccentric gives in and actually shuns herself out. 

C'mon all you eccentric people. You are the leaders of the world. Get up and stand. Stand there like a rock. The rest will only be a breeze then.

Trouble with reality

Have you wondered why people love watching these soap operas. Full of drama, politics and what not. The flashy dresses, make up, perfect scenarios, imperfect situations, filmy dialogues... Somewhere they drive me crazy, I have never have had the patience to watch even one single episode in its entirety. 

I remember the first time when I happened to be a party to its viewership index, in my late teens in the middle of a family get together where there was absolutely no escape but to watch everyone's favorite television serial. How by the end of it I was simply left exhausted and I kept thinking to myself, well all this anyways happens in our families, whats the fun in watching it on television again and that too with special background music, focussed close ups of actors and then the most annoying part were the replays of a certain moment with dramatized expressions. Everything was so freaky and in slow motion and it made you want to rip your hair apart, while everyone even after the episode comes to an end, wants to 'discuss' what and why and actually 'relate' situations and people within the family! Urggghhhhh.....

What makes it different anyway from our real life scenarios. Well one of course is the background music. Second, replays, I can only imagine what would happen if we had to say 'What?' (with your head turning to the left) repeat 3 times to highlight a certain effect of acute shock. 

Maybe people love to watch them precisely for these reasons? Well, will need some patience to do a research on that. Till then lets assume that everyone does have trouble with their reality, therefore they prefer to watch it happen to someone else.

Procrastination

There are times when inspite of the fact that you have goals in place, you give in to the mundane day to day activities and 'forget' what you are aspiring for. Gradually, over a period of time as days pass by and you slowly get engulfed with the mundane, frustration creeps in. You are busy doing things which 'do not' make you happy or make you reach even a step closer to your goal. That is the ultimate scenario of 'procrastination'. 

When we wait for the perfect time and space to do something that makes us happy. What I have realized is, we have to create that time and space. There is nothing called perfection. There is only the 'now'. If you want to do something therefore, do it 'now' even if small, but do it.

Get up and move, before this day also lands up being just another day.

Virus

A virus will spread, no matter how clean the environment is. A virus is a virus, it's infectious, and its very essence is pollution.

Beware of the virus, specially the human kind. 

Step by Step

To have a goal in life is really important, it's something which will help expand one's own potential. At some point in life, we feel stagnant, everything becomes repetitive, without a goal, this situation may come sooner than you would expect it.

Have a goal, both short term and long term and go for it! There's nothing better than the sense of accomplishment after achieving a target.

Explore

Exploring different avenues can be interesting, be it learning a new language, a new skill, a different cuisine or anything that one has never tried before. When we are younger, the ratio of new is to old is much higher, where we are constantly striving to acquire new skills, are encouraged and applauded, even if we just pass the first step of learning it.

But as we grow older, gradually this ratio, before we begin to realize, starts reversing, where the old occupies more of our mind space and time. The desire to learn something different slowly reduces, or is probably not encouraged or lets say we tend to make excuses too. Picture a situation where you go out with a group of friends and they decide to explore some off the beaten mountain track, how would you react when you are in your teens or 20s or lets say when you're in your 40s/50s. The answer would be very different for most people, the reversal of the ratio of the desire to learn/explore/take risks is quite evident.

The key to remain ever youthful therefore is as simple as trying out something new often, if not everyday, the excitement and the thrill will not only keep you energy levels high, but as they say, there is too much to learn and explore in this world. Let's keep learning, one step at a time!

Its all about the Voice

The way we speak can make or break relationships, it can encourage someone or demean someone. A mother's sweet lullaby can put a child to bed, or a neighbors loud quarrel can take our sleep away.

We are the only species on the planet that have a language which can be modified according to our emotions. A loving hello to a crush, or an arrogant greeting to someone we don't like. 

If you observe, people who are at peace at themselves and are compassionate, generally have a soft voice which one wants to listen to, versus someone who's selfish and mean could have a hoarse voice with an air of arrogance to it. 

We as human beings must be watchful of the way we speak. As a Napoleon Hill said, "Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another". And another wise person also said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, better to keep quiet".

To put it simply, how well are we using this wonderful gift of the 'Voice'? Checkpoint.

The Perfect Plan

How often do we 'plan' to do something? Be it new resolutions, short term career plan, long term plan, life plan, study plan, marriage plan, children plan, insurance, we can go on and on and on.

Planning can be quite a tedious task at times specially when one has various options, multiple processes and a zillion permutations and combinations. For example, if this happens then I want to do that else something else. It can get heart wrenching and by the end of it the head might start spinning too. 

Bottom line is, no matter how much planning we may do, its the action that really matters. Ultimately you might spend hours and hours in planning (in the corporate world, meetings) but if you don't put it in action, you're not getting anywhere. 

Its great that you're organized, it's great that you 'plan'. But also take out time for the 'action'.

The Free Rider Lesson #9

A free rider, in economics, refers to someone who benefits from resources, goods, or services without paying for the cost of the benefit.

This of course is not just an economic problem anymore, related to the country, the working or the non-working class of people. These days it is pretty much a social problem too, when we talk about school or college projects, getting those passes for a concert, tapping into someones network, we can go on and on.

Over a period of time, I've closed down to a few points, which one may agree or disagree, that are common to these free riders, whatever their scope of function is.

1. Ownership ~ This trait is the feeling of owning the product or service (could be a project, a facial, someone's name...) as if it were there's in the very first place.

2. Thanklessness ~ This point is linked to point number 1. Because they feel they are the kings and queens of the world, they pretty much lack gratitude for what they have received for free. In fact, they often feel what they have received in compensation to their pitiful state is far less than what they deserve. Bottom line is, if you happen to be rode upon, you are never going to receive any kind of a 'Thank you' note, but you will eventually land up doing more than what you can give.

3. Drama queens ~ How the hell do they land up getting all that stuff for free anyway? The answer is very simple my dear friends, they know how to fool you, how to use emotions, they will show you how pathetic a condition they are in. Whether is being in debt, having a terrible illness, a migraine, a viral attack, or its the spouse, the kids, they have a ready list depending on the person whose asking them and the kind of stuff they want for free. In worst case scenarios they will not even shy away from quoting their last experience on how someone was mean to them because they didn't give them their due.

For me, people who have these three traits are the one's to be watchful for, because they are the ultimate 'free riders', the kinds who will land up taking you for a long ride, literally speaking. Maybe someone should produce a Royal Talent show too I propose.

The Search

In life, I think everyone has gone through this phase at least once, if not a hundred times or more. When we are in 'search' of something. The search could be for anything, a piece of information, a good college, a job, a life partner, a holiday destination blah blah blah. But, the point is we have gone through it.

Internet and the search engines have made it far too simple for us, the answer is normally just a click away and you're loaded with information and options. In fact more often than not, there is always information overload. It all starts with punching in what we're looking for, when you think the answer is 'just a click away' as they advertise, we click on another option, then another option in another window. Then there is this one more option which seems close to irresistible. Sooner than you know, you would've landed up opening at least ten tabs with three windows each. And just a click away becomes a hundred clicks away, and a minute becomes an hour or sometimes two hours. In worst case scenarios you land up finalizing on Tokyo when searching for London. 

What is it about the search which makes us wander, lose focus, get bewildered with the number of options I have always wondered. Its literally like opening a Pandora box full of information and looking for a needle in a hay sack. What seems to be just a click away, is actually a lot of minutes away and sometimes hours away. 

Moral of the story ~ Be careful what you're looking for. You just might get it.

Shhhh... Its a secret

How often does it happen, that you land up becoming a party to someone's deep down secret? And specially when you're popular for 'keeping' secrets what happens when you, bump into someone who's the most popular for leaking them out?

Well, in this case of opposites, hell breaks loose. Lets call the person who loves leaking secrets, Miss Lelo. What do you think Miss Lelo will do when she finds out she's been caught in the 'act', red- handed.

Well, what my little wisdom tells me is she'll go all out to demean, insult, humiliate you and in certain cases even 'up' her popularity index somehow. And what my spiritual teaching tells me is that something really terrible is brewing up for Miss Lelo in the 'karma cafe'.

Believe it or not. It's true. So next time, someone approaches you with someone's else's secret. Keep your guard totally up and if possible, just shut the door. Its always better that way.

Trust me :).

Lesson of Life #10

In life when you reach a point when you have to choose between what you think is right or wrong. Always go with your gut feel of what is right and stick to it. That is what is called integrity. Rest is only called being swayed with the crowd. 

A New Book

Start of another week, doesn't feel like a quarter of the year has already passed by. So much to do, which they say is a good sign isn't it? When your hands are full and there's something to look forward to each day. As a wise man once said "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going".

This month started reading the autobiography of A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. Its always fascinating to read autobiographies, real life stories of individuals who have genuinely worked hard and reached where they are. Is it only hard work and luck or also loads of wisdom to handle all of that I've always wondered. One always needs to be grounded under all circumstances, that's what makes a person truly admirable. Specially when they have reached those crazy heights, winning all those awards and being in the limelight.

A simple person such as me can never even imagine what it is like to be there. Wonder if I want to be there at all in the first place. Maybe the books take me there and that's why I love to read them :).

Odd or Even

There's something odd about everything, if you look at it closely. Everything wants to get even. Whoever said I'm negative, even is good @Oddstreet.

Ramblings

Beauty in being unique

I believe that everyone is unique. Each person is different and should be respected that way. After all diversity leads to growth and all of that jazz. But somehow I cannot help finding similarities in behavior specially in cases such as these:

1. Mother in Law: No matter how stylish, hip, educated, rich, poor, mediocre and 'cultured' they maybe, somehow they all have the same pattern of nudging, being authoritative, snooping or in worst case scenarios even competing with the daughter in law. The similarities are so acute that now I call that the MIL syndrome.

2. The Jealous friend: Its all about the J-factor. There is this category of people, no matter how much you love them, no matter how simple you are, they will always want to compete with you, they will never ever be happy with your success, rather they will always and always find a way to bring your morale down. We've heard about this plenty of times, but these days, people have figured out a subtle way to get to you, that's it! They don't like you, post the funniest picture they have of you and tag the whole wide world in that picture! Not only that, they have sleepless nights tracking what you're up to in the social media (thanks to the social feeds now, it's so much simpler for them). They live in the J-zone, and more often than not also live in the migraine zone.

There are more categories I'm sure. Will write about them at some point of time.

PS: They miss a leader there, someone who can teach them a bit of creativity, any takers?